Before I ever coached a business owner or sales team, I sat across from people who lied for a living.
I trained at the Reid School of Interview and Interrogation and worked cases with the DEA where one wrong question could end a career or a life.
Those rooms taught me everything I needed to know about human behavior. How people hide truth, defend pride, and reveal motive.
The same psychology drives every hard conversation in business.
Here’s what still works when pressure hits.
1. Baseline Before Battle
The Reid School teaches that you cannot read deception until you know normal.
Every suspect had a tell. But I had to know their resting state first. Only then did I see the change. The blink. The throat swallow. The foot pivot.
Leaders and sales pros miss this constantly.
They react before they observe.
- Leadership: Know your team’s baseline. You will spot burnout or disengagement before it becomes a problem.
- Sales: Know your buyer’s rhythm. When their tone or pace changes, something shifted. That is your window.
Observation is intelligence. Reacting too soon is panic.
2. Rapport Before Results
Reid teaches that confrontation without connection fails.
In one DEA interview, the target came in hostile. Stone-faced. Arms crossed. Total resistance. I didn’t push. I started human.
I mentioned his daughter’s name from a news article. The ice cracked. Minutes later, he opened up.
That is not manipulation. That is respect.
You cannot lead people you do not understand. You cannot sell to someone who does not trust you.
- Leadership: Build rapport before correction.
- Sales: Build connection before closing.
Start human. Earn the right to go deeper.
3. Tactical Empathy Beats Force
The FBI calls it tactical empathy. Reid calls it understanding without agreement.
When people feel heard, they stop defending and start thinking.
Once, I told a man under investigation, “I can see how this must feel impossible right now.”
He exhaled. That breath was the doorway.
In business, the same rule applies:
- Leadership: “I get why you’re frustrated.” Then redirect.
- Sales: “Sounds like you’ve been burned before.” Then build trust.
Empathy disarms faster than authority ever will.
4. Control the Frame, Not the Person
Both Reid and the FBI teach structure. You never lose control of the room, but you never force it either.
You guide through questions.
I would ask, “How did things get to this point?”
That “how” gave me control while making them feel safe to talk.
- Leadership: Ask “How would you handle it?” instead of giving orders.
- Sales: Ask “What would make this work for you?” instead of pushing the close.
You keep control of the frame by letting the other person feel in charge.
5. The “That’s Right” Trigger
Chris Voss from the FBI teaches that the turning point in any conversation is when the other side says, “That’s right.”
Reid calls it “theme alignment.”
Same concept. Once someone feels understood, they stop resisting.
I used it in interrogation rooms, and I still use it in boardrooms.
- Leadership: When your employee says, “That’s right,” they have accepted the truth.
- Sales: When your prospect says it, they have accepted your framing of the problem.
“That’s right” is the green light. Wait for it.
6. The Ackerman Mindset: Planned Concessions
In DEA negotiations, I never gave everything at once.
Every move was planned. Offer. Pause. Counter. Pause. Close.
That same discipline builds respect in business deals.
- Leadership: Negotiate time or resources with structure.
- Sales: Plan your concessions. Never wing it.
A deal only feels fair when both sides believe they earned it.
7. The Emotion Break
One of my toughest interviews broke open not with evidence, but emotion.
I said, “You look tired.”
He broke down. That one sentence ended the game.
People crack under pressure when they feel seen, not when they are cornered.
Leaders and salespeople forget this. They chase logic and skip humanity.
Logic convinces. Emotion converts.
The Real Lesson: Negotiation is Leadership
Reid taught me structure.
The FBI taught me emotion.
The street taught me timing.
Now I teach those same skills to business owners, leaders, and sales teams.
Because whether it is a suspect, a client, or a staff member, the truth always hides behind emotion. The leader who listens deeper always wins.
The conversation is the battlefield.
Control it. Don’t crush it.
Next step:
Turn one of these lessons into action today.
- Ask a “how” question instead of giving an answer.
- Mirror someone’s last three words.
- Call out emotion instead of ignoring it.
Do that consistently and you will not need to sell or convince again. You will just lead the room.
BONUS: One of my mentors used to use the phrase “Are you going to be a man and stand on your own two feet.” This became the ultimate accountability and ownership of actions statement. Remember that next time you are holding an employee whose prone to finger pointing.
