If you have ever stood in a quiet house after the sirens fade and felt a scene replay on loop, this is for you. I spent years hearing “forgive yourself” without a how. What finally worked was surprisingly simple: four lines from a Hawaiian practice called Ho’oponopono, paired with a short round of box breathing. Here is exactly how I use it for duty-related guilt, moral injury, and those 2:30 a.m. wake ups.
What Is Ho’oponopono?
It is a spiritual practice of reconciliation that uses four phrases:
- I’m sorry.
- Please forgive me.
- Thank you.
- I love you.
You can say them silently or out loud. The power is in honest intent and repetition.
Why It Clicked for Me:
I had an early call involving a school bus crash. We did everything we could, but years later the scene still visited me. Traditional advice did not help. Ho’oponopono gave me a script and a sequence. It let me speak directly to the younger me on that roadway and release what I was still holding.
Step by Step: How I Do It
- Box breathing for one minute
Inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4. Repeat 4 times. This widens your focus and tells your brain you are safe. - Revisit the scene with compassion
Picture the younger you on that call. Sit beside him or her. Notice the facts, not the judgments. - Say the four lines, slowly
I’m sorry. Acknowledge what you didn’t know and what you carried.
Please forgive me. Ask for and grant forgiveness.
Thank you. For showing up, for learning, for serving.
I love you. Offer real care to the person who did the best they could that day. - Repeat until your body softens
If emotion rises, let it. Keep breathing. Keep the phrases simple.
Use It Beyond the Job
This also works with childhood memories. Hold a photo. Make eye contact with the younger you. Breathe. Say the four lines. It is simple and it is powerful.
When to Use It
• After a hard shift
• When a scene pops up out of nowhere
• During sleepless nights
• Before a tough conversation
• As a weekly reset
One More Note on Practice
This is not about perfection. It is about frequency. A minute today is better than an hour never.
Try It Tonight
Breathe 4-4-4-4. Then say: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. If it helps, share it with a teammate who needs a first step.
It helped me and I hope it helps you.
